Fat Counters
by Shadow's whisper28
Summary: "You gained seven fat counters." "I will destroy you!"  Borders on crackfic. It's my first story, so be nice! rated T because the rules scare me. Now complete!
1. The Beginning of the Madness

Well, I really didn't want my first fanfic to be half-crackfic, but I've got to start somewhere. Here goes!

Pit knew something bad was going to happen as soon as Master Hand called for a group meeting. The only reason he ever called for a group meeting was when the world was about to end or something equally disastrous was going to happen. Whenever the Hand called for all of the Brawlers in one place, the constant talking prevented any important messages from getting across to anyone, and by the end of the meeting there was either a huge every-man-for-himself brawl, or, if there was a disastrous life or death situation, almost everyone was asleep. Pit came to the room fully armed, only to be tackled from behind by a sugar-high Lucas.

"Give me more! NEED MORE SUGAR!" Lucas screamed as Pit flailed helplessly around the room, running into other Brawlers in his attempts to detach the sugar-high psychic from his back. Eventually Pit fell flat on his back, then flung himself forward, sending Lucas sprawling into Ness.

"Hey! Leave Lucas alone!" Ness shouted at Pit, throwing his baseball bat only for Pit to dodge. The bat hit Link on the nose.

"You're gonna pay for that!" The usual chain reaction started.

Five minutes later, Master Hand walked into the room just in time to see Meta Knight, Pit, and Charizard facing off in a midair fight. Below them, the other Brawlers could be seen with the exception of Snake, who was hiding in his box in a corner.

"STOP!" The angry hand bellowed. He was louder than usual, and the fighting ceased instantly. The three in the air glided to the floor. Pleased with this reaction, Master Hand continued, "It has come to my attention that the Brawlers are becoming lazy. In an effort to prevent you from turning into oversized video game addicts that used to be heroes and/or villains, Crazy and I have invented a program that will keep you on your feet. You see, every time you do something useless and not active, you will gain 'fat counters'. The only way to get rid of fat counters is to give them to someone else, like, say if the Ice Climbers were climbing the rock wall. If no one was watching, they wouldn't lose fat counters. But if Bowser was watching them, and not doing anything, he would gain fat counters. We'll test this program for one week. Anyone with more than five fat counters at the end of the week has to clean all of the mansion's bathrooms for a month. If more than one person has more than five, you will be assigned different months. Make sense?"

One second of silence, then- "Starts right now, right? See ya, suckers!" Samus called before bolting out of the room.

Before anyone else had time to react, a mechanical female voice came out of nowhere and said, "Delayed reaction. One fat counter gained." A blue glowing holographic screen appeared by every Brawler in the room and showed a circle with an 'F' in it. The bottom read 'counters-one'.

"We're all going to die!" Captain Falcon screeched, and the room broke into complete chaos once again. Master hand grinned evilly and left the room with Crazy on his heels, cackling to himself.

**Well, that's chapter one! I hate commas, so if I use one incorrectly don't go and die or something. I'm a grammar freak, if you haven't already noticed. Either way, please don't flame, and review!**


	2. Day One

Thank you all so much for the reviews! You're awesome. Apparently the top author's note in chapter one wasn't bold, and my lines were deleted. While I work on that, enjoy chapter two!

Disclaimer: I wish. Don't own them, yet.

Samus sighed. Today was the first official day with the 'fat counters', but everyone except her had counters from yesterday. The machine was turned off from ten P.M. to six A.M., and almost all of the Brawlers had found that they had several more counters because they had gotten up too late. This made breakfast a nightmare.

"We have to get up at six." Pit complained to Samus while pouring syrup on his otherwise empty plate.

"I noticed that. You must really like syrup, because your plate is overflowing with it. Literally." She replied. Samus was used to getting up at five thirty, so this was no big deal. The only thing she would have to change was the amount of time she spent hacking other Brawlers' facebook pages for fun.

Pit groaned and fell asleep face first into his plate of syrup.

"Unhealthy food. General laziness. Five fat counters." The mechanical voice told the sleeping Pit.

"Do you think he'll suffocate, sleeping like that?" Link asked, walking by.

"Even if he does, he's an angel, he'll just come back, right?" Samus replied.

"Whatever. I'll just take advantage of this sleeping target, if you don't mind." Link proceeded to kick Pit to the floor.

"Link has given two fat counters to Pit."

"Take that, angel boy." Link walked away, leaving the confused angel in his puddle of syrup.

"Great. Now I have ten counters. Do you think the machine will care if I take a shower?" Pit asked as he attempted to rub the sticky fluid out of his eyes.

"It probably will. Either way, I suggest we leave." Samus said as a hunk of sausage flew from a nearby food fight. The voice kept exchanging counters between Brawlers as they were hit and launched their own projectiles.

"Leave? I didn't eat anything."

"Neither did I, but unless you want to eat flying garlic waffles, you can get something later."

"Garlic waffles?"

"Wario's. Now come on!" Samus grabbed the front of the angel's toga and dragged him out of the dining hall.

_**Later in the day….**_

Samus studied the computer screen. It was crazy how much could happen in two hours. Almost everyone in Smash mansion had more than five counters. The worst scores were Kirby with twenty-seven, Snake with twenty-four, and Pit with thirty. She was the only one in the mansion without any counters.

"Video games. No activity. Three fat counters."

Scratch that. She had the least amount of counters.

Pit groaned. The whole day people had been attacking him, and Pit couldn't find his bow. He hadn't been able to shower, and his face was still covered in brown fluid. He was smoking slightly where R.O.B. had zapped him, he had a black eye where Mario had punched him, and he could've sworn he was hallucinating after the Ice Climbers had pounded his head with their mallets.

Zelda crept up behind Pit and seized him around the waist. There was a shattering of glass as Pit was thrown unceremoniously out the window.

This was going to be a hard week.

**I'm planning on having eight or nine chapters, one for each day of the week, and one for the introduction and end result. If you want a character I haven't put into the story as of yet, ask in your review so I can include the character. Thanks again to all of my reviewers! Please review, don't flame, the works.**


	3. Day Two

Wow, this is my third chapter in three days. Too many ideas, my brain can't hold them all. My top author's note still isn't cooperating, and my lines are still being deleted. Oh well. Thanks to all of m reviewers, especially Eggplantwitch, the first to review chapter two. This one's for you. That rhymed. Scary.

Disclaimer: Still don't. Unfortunately.

When Pit woke up, he had no idea who he was, or where he was. He sat up, and saw a bow sitting on a chair. Pit thought he remembered looking for it earlier, but he couldn't remember why. He got out of the bed, dressed in a vaguely familiar toga, grabbed the bow, and exited the room.

Pit gazed around the hallway. He still didn't have the slightest clue as to where he was, or why it was dark outside. He seemed to remember always waking up to light. Then someone ran into him.

"Hey, Pit. Early, isn't it? Makes me wish that I always got up as early as Samus."

"Who are you? Who is Samus? What's going on? Who's Pit?" Whoever this guy was, he obviously knew Pit before he'd lost his memory.

"Are you serious?" The man studied Pit's face in the dark. "You are serious, aren't you? Great. I hate amnesia."

"So who are you? Who am I?"

The man sighed. "I'm Marth. You're Pit. We're being forced to constantly be physical, and we have to get up at six so we don't have to clean toxic bathrooms for a month because of an insane hand. Remember now?"

"No."

Marth's displeasure was obvious. "Just follow me. Your memory will come back, eventually."

Pit followed Marth down the hall, and slowly he remembered. Not everything, just bits and pieces. Pit gasped as everything clicked. "I know who I am now! I know who you are now! We're at Master Hand's mansion! I'm Pit! You're Marth! I hate the Ice Climbers!"

"Good to know. Wait, why do you hate Nana and Popo?"

"I- I can't remember." Pit rubbed the side of his head where a huge, mallet-shaped bruise was.

"Let's just eat before breakfast becomes a war again."

"Breakfast was a war?" Pit asked.

"Sí. Pensé que eras más que la amnesia."

"Marth, why are you talking in Spanish?"

¿De qué estás hablando?"

"Marth, I don't speak Spanish." Pit was scared now.

"What's going on?" Samus walked down the hall to the two boys, Pikachu on her shoulder, electrocuting flies so it didn't gain fat counters.

"I'm not speaking Spanish!" Marth yelled to nobody in particular.

"I know that, Marth. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but it's Pit you should be asking. First he has amnesia, now he's telling me I'm speaking Spanish."

Samus turned to find Pit explaining to a wall that it wasn't nice to talk to a person who couldn't understand you. "Um, Pit, we need to-"

"Stay back! I'm a war general, and I'm armed!" Pit turned his bow on Samus, threatening to shoot. Marth yelped and put his hands in the air. Samus, caught by surprise, backed up against the wall, Pikachu trembling and attempting to hide behind Samus's head. Suddenly, Pit careened forward and fell on the floor.

"Pit?" Marth poked the angel's lifeless shoulder with his foot.

"Pika pika?"

"Good idea."

"Mind translating for me?"

"Doctor Mario." Samus said as she pulled Pit up and flung him around so he was supported between Marth and herself.

The three walked in silence for a while (Samus told Pikachu to go eat.) when Marth suddenly dropped his half of the angel and kicked the unconscious angel's gut.

"What was that for?" Samus asked Marth.

"Marth has given Pit three fat counters."

"Unsuspecting prey. I don't know about you, but I don't want to clean garlic-scented bathrooms."

Samus grabbed Marth's arm, twisted it behind his back, and forced him face-first into a wall one handed, the other still supporting the angel. "Just because you want to get ahead in this contest of Master Hand's doesn't mean you can go around attacking defenseless opponents. Now unless you want me to lock you in a cage with Crazy, I suggest you refrain from attacking people who can't attack you back." Samus released a whimpering Marth and continued walking.

"Who-a killed what?" Doctor Mario asked before noticing Pit. "Never mind-a." The doctor grabbed Pit and walked into the med-bay.

Master Hand sighed as he looked at Pit, restored but still dizzy, as he lay in the bed. Samus, Marth, and said hand were standing around the bed, listening to the all-to-familiar voice.

"Sleeping. Three fat counters."

"That's the third time he's gained counters. Master Hand, cut him some slack, would you?" Samus pleaded to the irritated hand.

"No. I will not have a mansion full of lazy fools. He can suffer with everyone else."

"Harsh." Marth muttered.

Doctor Mario walked into the room. "Pit can-a leave now-a."

"Good." Samus seized Pit's upper arm and dragged him out of the bed. "Ever played tennis, angel boy?"

That was how Samus and Pit spent the rest of their afternoon. Pit was still slow from the morning, and Samus was surprisingly good with a racquet. Pit missed almost every single shot, and for each missed shot:

"Samus has given Pit two fat counters."

"Pit has gained two fat counters."

"Pit has gained-"

"We get the point! Shut up!" Pit seethed at the calm mechanical voice.

Samus watched sadly. Her intent was to have Pit lose counters. She'd even made Wario come and watch.

"I'm sorry, Pit." She muttered.

I'm sorry Pit! Things will get better. Maybe. Thanks again to all of my reviewers! Hands out virtual cookies* Please review, don't flame! Again, if you want a character you haven't seen, tell me in your review!


	4. Day Three

Well, I'm still doing a chapter a day, my author's note still isn't cooperating, and I actually got some requests this time! We'll see Ganondorf, Wolf, Lucario, and a little of Toon Link. They will be involved more than the first page indicates, excluding Toon Link. This chapter is for Foxpilot for his advice and the first reviewer of chapter three! With that said, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: When I rule the world, Nintendo will be mine. Until then, no.**

Things in the mansion were getting out of control. Samus and Pit had awoken early so they would avoid the morning food fights. Pit was currently complaining to a disinterested Samus about his fat counters.

"You have zero! None! Guess how many I have? Fifty-seven! With four days to get rid of them all! What am I going to do?"

"Clean garlic-infested restrooms. Since when can you form more than one sentence before six without falling asleep?"

"Lucas told me. You just sneak into the food stores after the system is turned off and get anything with a high sugar content. Wake up before the machine is turned on, eat it all, you're good until lunch. Easy! Hey, Toon Link!"

Toon Link grunted, stumbling into the hall with his tunic on backwards. Sleepwalking didn't work so well for him. T.L. kept right on going, smashing into the wall opposite and falling down. Distinct snores were heard, and the young hero of time didn't move.

"He's asleep, right?" Samus inquired, looking down at the little lump in the darkness.

"He'll be fine. Let's go! I'm hungry." Samus glanced back as Wolf took advantage of the unsuspecting Toon Link, punting the kid down the hallway as a glowing holographic sign told Wolf of his victory.

"He'll be fine, Pit says. We leave, and the poor guy is used as a soccer ball." Samus grumbled the rest of the way to the dining hall about backstabbing Brawlers.

Breakfast was unusually quiet, but then again, there was almost nobody there. Wolf, Ganondorf, and Bowser sat at one table, Lucario, Ike, Marth, and Fox sat at another. Pikachu and Zelda were at another. Pikachu motioned for the two to sit with it, and Samus obliged, Pit following her.

"Pika, pika pikachu." The electric mouse pointed to a corner, where an innocent cardboard box lay.

"He's been there all night?" Samus asked.

Pikachu nodded. Samus, Pit, Pikachu and Zelda walked up to the box. "Come out of there, Snake." Samus commanded.

The box didn't move. Samus kicked the box in her irritation, resulting in a yelp from the contents. "Ganon, get over here." Samus glared at said villain, who trudged over.

"Whatcha want?" He asked. Samus pointed to the box and mouthed 'fire'. Ganondorf grinned and snapped his fingers. The box burst into purple flames, and Ganondorf walked back to his table, chuckling as he heard the box's screeches of terror, and the mechanical voice telling him he'd given Snake four fat counters.

Zelda looked on worriedly as Snake ran around, screaming 'fire'. "Stop, drop, and roll, Snake!" She told him.

"Help me!" Snake yelled.

Pikachu electrocuted Snake, and, against all logic, this put out the fire. The half-paralyzed mercenary blinked up at the four Brawlers. "Leave me alone! I'm gonna win this contest, and you can't stop me!"

"First off, it isn't a contest, and second, you aren't going to win if you have eighty-five counters." Pit tried to explain.

"I'll come from behind. No one will have as many counters as me!" Snake declared.

"No one except for Kirby. Snake, the whole idea is to not have the counters. If you have more than five, you're stuck with bathroom duty for a month." Zelda informed the shocked mercenary.

"That-that's not possible! How am I supposed to get rid of eighty-five counters in four days?" Snake was clearly panicking as much as someone can panic when they're paralyzed.

"Your problem now. See ya, Snake!" Samus walked away, laughing at the man as he struggled to fully grasp how to handle the situation. Pit and Pikachu followed.

When the door to the dining hall was shut, Samus looked at Pit and whispered, "You've been following me a lot lately."

"I don't like to be alone." Was the angel's simple response. The bounty hunter still had suspicions.

_**TIME LAPSE!**_

The roof was a great place to sit and enjoy the scenery. Unfortunately, the scenery was being ignored by the three beings that were occupying the space. One was focused on the thunder and lightning our favorite electric mouse was controlling, while the other two were focused on a metal pole. And not falling, but mostly the pole. Samus had Pit attempting to do pull-ups on the guardrail of the rooftop garden. Samus leaned leisurely on the pole, occasionally flipping around it so she didn't gain counters, but Pit was doing the real work.

Lucario, unaware that anyone was watching him, burst onto the roof and howled with frustration, burst into sobs, and then proceeded to laugh maniacally.

"Lucario?" Samus asked as Pit, surprised, let go of the rail

"Help!" He called.

"You can fly, genius." Samus responded.

"Right. I knew that. Lucario, stop having an emotional breakdown and tell us what happened."

"The machine won't let me meditate for five minutes! I can't meditate, I can't control my emotions, this happens!"

"Oh." Pit was overwhelmed. "That's…not good." Pikachu and Samus only stared.

Lucario froze, and then stated, "I feel suicidal." He jumped off of the roof. Now it was Pit's turn to stare in horror as Samus pointed out that the fall wouldn't kill Lucario. Sure enough, the pokemon landed lightly before hugging a confused R.O.B. and running away.

"That was…awkward."

"Thank you, captain obvious."

When you have a mansion full of anthropomorphic animals, dinosaurs, puffballs, angels, bounty hunters, swordsmen, mildly evil villains, and super evil villains, there is no place one could go for peace. Pit, with his luck, managed to find most of the listed above, and accidentally was thrust into the middle of the fighting. He ducked a blast from Wolf, and then Ganon shoved his shoe into Pit's face before Samus could pull him out of the fray.

"I'm tired of this. Tomorrow, I'm striking back. Hard."

"Aren't angels supposed to not be violent?"

"Stereotypes. I'm a war general."

"Oh. Oh yeah."

**Bad news for Wolf and Ganon. They'll be in** **next chapter more. Foxpilot, yes, my avatar is an Eevee. I love the things to death, but I'm busy with another Brawl fic and world domination right now, so pokemon fics will come later. Thanks to all of my reviewers, please review, don't flame.**


	5. Day Four

**Five chapters in five days! Is that possible? I only got two reviews in the twelve hours after I posted chapter four, so **

**To Eggplantwitch: I'm glad my fic made you laugh. That makes me happy. And yes, Pit will have a revenge plan. A vague plan, but a plan all the same. **

**To Andre Dmitri Garrett: Master Hand conveniently forgot to register himself and Crazy into the machine. He's safe. Unfortunately. Pit will go 'God of War' on someone else, though. Don't worry about me not updating, I try to update before ten every night. I have school until three, so my options are to get up at four, type and update, or come home and update. You can guess which one I chose. **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I wouldn't have to do this if I owned them, now would I?**

Pit was ready for his revenge. He was up early again, using Lucas's sugar technique to stay awake. He sat on his bed, trying to figure out a plan of attack. Ten minutes later, this was what Pit came up with to get rid of his ninety-three counters:

Attack people I don't like. Don't attack people I like. If in doubt, attack.

Most people would think this plan stupid, but Pit wasn't a war general for nothing. Unfortunately, Pit couldn't put his plan into action for another half-hour, so he walked to the mess hall, smirking to himself.

"Pika pi?"

"I don't speak Pikachu. Care to translate, Samus?"

"Pikachu wants to know why you're so happy."

"Lets just say you should be glad we're friends."

"You're going through with your revenge?"

"I'm a war general. Of course I'm going to follow through." Pit reminded Samus.

"Any other reason?"

"I'm really mad at Ganon, Wolf, and the Ice Climbers."

"Why the Ice Climbers?"

"I still can't remember. But they probably attacked me or something."

Kirby waddled into the room, followed by Yoshi. All of the other Brawlers were there, and Pit, Samus, Pikachu, and Meta Knight, who'd occupied the fourth seat that day, took cover under the table as the clock chimed six.

"FALCON…..** PUNCH!**"

The morning fight had begun. Fortunately, all four were smart enough now to carry their weapons everywhere. Pit, Samus, and Pikachu made it out. Meta Knight launched himself into the fray. Pit shot a few arrows into the mass of Brawlers before shutting and locking the doors of the dining hall.

"We need to see Master Hand before somebody dies and stays dead."

Master Hand's office was a desk surrounded by papers. The hand was floating behind the desk when the three arrived.

"Who died this time?" Was his response as the Bounty Hunter glared at the disembodied hand.

"It's more about who's going to die. Master Hand, you do realize that nobody in this mansion save you and I go to sleep at night without injury?"

"Relax, Samus, I know what I'm doing."

"Why are you _really_ doing this?" The hand looked irritated. How could Samus have already seen his deeper meaning?

"You're too smart for your own good. My real purpose was to try and weed out whoever started an underground market for garlic to Wario. I banned him from garlic, but he just keeps getting it and I don't know who's giving it to him."

Samus looked at the hand. "You do realize that Crazy's the one with the underground garlic trade?"

Master Hand looked flabbergasted. "Crazy? How- how is that possible? Wait, how do you know that it's Crazy?"

"I'm a bounty hunter. I get around. Can you call off your machine now?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I still want my clean bathrooms. For some reason, everyone I hire quits, and Peach refuses to clean them. I can still reap the benefits. Thirty-four months of not having to worry about staff other than Doctor Mario."

"…I'm leaving now. Come on, guys." Pit, Pikachu, and Samus left Master Hand's office, Samus fuming.

"He could've at least told us the real reason for his machine in the first place."

"So, you're mad because Master Hand lied."

"I deal with lying people all the time. It's when people I trust lie to me. It's like they've let me down." They were silent for a moment.

"I'm going to go kill some people now, okay? If I were you, I'd be away from the dining hall."

"Why the dining hall?"

"I locked everyone in there this morning, remember?"

"And it didn't occur to you that all thirty-two people in there were armed?"

"They're to busy fighting each other to worry about walls." Pit flew off, cackling at the amazingness of his revenge.

Sure enough, the sounds of fighting were still coming out of the Dining hall. Pit opened the door and walked in. Almost everyone was still fighting. Kirby was under a table, eating, his counters at one hundred and two. King Dedede had been thrown out the window, and Sonic had run out of the hole, but everyone else was still fighting. Perfect.

Pit took a table and turned it so he could use it like cover, then shot arrow after arrow into the fray. With each shot, a counter was lost. Pit was down to seventy when Crazy jumped into the mass, effectively dispersing the crowd instantly. Pit slipped out behind a burning Link and generally battle-worn Zelda. He was walking down the hall when King Dedede walked down the hall.

"Hi, Pit!" The fat penguin said cheerfully while attempting to slap Pit, who literally beat Dedede to the punch, the angel's fist making contact right between the eyes. Dedede fell over backwards, and Pit sprang up, bow in one hand, using Dedede's massive stomach as a trampoline, yelling one word for each bounce.

"I-am-not-some-angel-you-can-push-around-like-a-piece-of-" At this point the penguin spilled his cookies, and fortunately Pit was in the air when this happened. The angel took off down the hall so fast that he created a sonic boom behind him that destroyed most of the wall.

"Tomorrow it's Wolf and Ganondorf's turn." The angel laughed evilly as he tore down the hallway, scaring Lucas and Ness, the former squeaking and hiding behind the latter.

**I didn't meet my ten o' clock deadline, but I was close enough. Sorry this chapter was short, I think my mom's attempting to kill me. I have to swim on Tuesday and Thursday, I have tennis on Wednesday and Friday, and the other three days she makes me run. But enough about my personal life. I'm still accepting requested characters, but don't be too disappointed if they only have minor roles. Thanks again to all of my loyal reviewers, and please review, no flames!**


	6. Day Five

**Thanks again to all of my reviewers! For those of you who want to know [Eggplantwitch] Pit used a table instead of his shield because he can't use it and shoot arrows at the same time. I really wasn't a fan of the last chapter, but whatever. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't get me started. **

_That sugar can't be good for Pit_, Samus thought, scrutinizing her friend as they walked down the hall. The only word that came to her mind to describe Pit was twitchy. It was true. The angel was randomly tensing, shaking, and laughing quietly to himself. But hey, you try running for three days on nothing but sugar and adrenaline.

"Pika, pi pika pi?"

"I don't know." Samus replied.

"Secrets, secrets, are no fun." Pit chanted. "What did you say, Pikachu?"

"Pika pi pika pi pika pi."

"Oh. Okay." The angel continued to skip down the hall.

Samus didn't want to know what the angel had planned for today.

"Stop having random spasms, Pit." Samus told the angel. They were at breakfast, and Pit kept pouring sugar on his French toast. A few Brawlers were glancing worriedly at the angel, but Samus tried to act normal. It didn't work.

"Pit, what did you do to yourself?"

The angel giggled. "I didn't do anything. Hey, can I borrow your plasma whip?"

"That's probably not a good idea."

"But I want to kill- I mean, I want to see how I can train with it. I'm going to go right now, you stay here and finish your food." Samus handed over the whip, knowing she would regret it later.

"Thanks! Bye!" Pit glided out of the room.

"Something really bad is going to happen because of that whip, isn't it Pikachu?"

"Pika."

**In the hall….**

Pit hated deceiving Samus like that, but if he was going to get his full revenge, it was necessary. The angel hid in a convenient closet and waited for his prey to come by.

Pit had to watch Sonic run by five times, R.O.B. being chased by Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard, Olimar and Game and Watch being chased by Bowser, and a cartwheeling and sobbing Lucario [thanks, Foxpilot] go by before the unsuspecting Wolf padded by.

"HYAH!" Pit yelled as he charged the anthropomorphic animal, wrapping Samus's plasma whip around Wolf's neck and shoving him against the wall.

"How does it feel, Wolf? Yeah, that's right, struggle all you want, you aren't getting out of this!"

"Fire! Help!" Wolf choked out.

"FEEL THE BURN!" Pit shouted. Sonic, Snake, and Link, at the end of the hall, watched in horror as Pit suffocated Wolf. The angel, sensing their gaze, called, "YOU WANT SOME? COME HERE SO I CAN HAVE MY REVENGE!" The three ran, Sonic dragging the other two as they fled the violent angel.

The whole time, Pit was losing counters. Eventually, Doctor Mario came with several Brawlers, restraining the angel and releasing the disturbed Wolf. Samus was directly behind Pit hissing in his ear, "You call that training?"

"Yes. Yes I do." The war captain replied.

**In Master Hand's office….**

Crazy congratulated Pit as Samus and Pikachu dragged the angel into Master Hand's office. Master Hand himself was less pleased. He began to lecture Pit.

"Pit, I'm afraid I can't allow you to go around killing other Brawlers, no matter how much they deserve it-" At this point the hand saw Samus glaring at him and changed his tactic. "I mean, killing people is bad, don't do it. Now get out of my office."

"You're lucky you didn't kill Wolf." Samus snarled at the angel.

"He's not dead yet? Pity."


	7. Day Six

**AAAHHHH! I missed a day! I'll try to do a double update today to make up for it. Thanks to all of my reviewers again, and a special thanks to Zelda12343 for the scene with Zelda and the Ice Climbers, who will be victims of Pit along with someone else…I've said to much. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't, not yet. **

Even though Pit promised not to kill anyone else, Samus was still suspicious. She had good reason, too, because Pit was planning revenge on three other people, and just to prove he wasn't lying, Pit wasn't planning on killing them. Just maiming them beyond repair. Samus told herself she wouldn't lend Pit anything except a psychiatrist, but Pit had already found a way around this.

***FLASHBACK***

Pit grinned, holding Link at bow point, backing the unfortunate hyalian into a corner.

"Pit…what do you want? I'll give you anything, just don't hurt me!"

"Master sword."

"What?"

"Master sword. Give it to me. I'll give it back sometime tomorrow."

"If I give it to you, will you leave me alone?"

"For the most part."

Link walked away without the master sword, but with his life, and the hero of time thought that that was better than vice versa. Pit, of course, got exactly what he wanted.

***END FLASHBACK***

Pit had skipped breakfast, and Samus was looking for him. Who knew what a sugar-high insomniac angel would do. It was way past six, but Pit had no counters left to lose. The angel was out for blood.

Pit grinned. He'd found his prey. Ganondorf had just taken a wrong turn and ended up at a convenient dead end. Ganon turned to find the angel aiming his bow at him.

"Ha! Like that's going to hurt me." The angel just grinned wider.

"LET THE POWER OF LIGHT REPEL YOU!" Pit shouted as he drew the master sword.

Samus was not having any luck finding the angel. _Her_ angel. She thought she'd looked everywhere, until Link and Sonic ran past. Samus stuck out her foot, tripping the hedgehog.

"Have you guys seen Pit?" She asked.

"That's where we're going." Link gasped. "Pit is destroying Ganondorf. With my sword, I might add. Just want everyone to know I gave some form of help in killing him."

"Pit doesn't want to kill Ganon." Sonic told Link. "He said Samus told him not to kill anyone, so he's just killing Ganon a little bit."

Samus didn't know whether to be happy that Pit had honored her request, or terrified that the angel was half-murdering Ganondorf. Samus followed the hedgehog and Hyalian to the dead end hall, where Pit was stabbing Ganondorf repeatedly with a glowing sword. As soon as the King of evil was unconscious, the bloodthirsty angel flew up, tearing a hole in the ceiling as he shouted, "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" in a singsong voice.

"Any idea who he's after next?"

"Eggman would be nice."

"Shut up, Sonic. This is serious."

"So is Eggman."

"Just shut up."

Zelda was tired of this whole 'fat counters' scheme. Wouldn't it be easier if everyone just cleaned their own bathrooms? That was what Zelda had been doing. Of course, anyone in their right mind would never go near a general restroom in smash Mansion. This was why Zelda had told the Ice Climbers there was chocolate in her room, and if they found it, they could have it. The Ice Climbers were resented in this contest because as long as one of them was active, they were safe. Besides Pit and Samus, Nana and Popo had the least amount of counters, with only eleven. That was going to change.

Zelda smirked as the glowing blue sign appeared next to her, giving almost all of her counters to the Ice Climbers before she heard a crash as someone pounded the door down.

"Surrender the Ice Climbers and no one gets hurt."

Samus, Sonic, and Link all heard Zelda scream.

"Well, looks like you found your fugitive." Sonic told Samus.

"Because I didn't know that already."

"That was Zelda! If he lays a finger on her…"

"Hey, you were the one who gave Pit your sword."

"Shut up, Sonic."

"He's right, you know."

"I don't care."

Zelda stood in the corner of her room, mortified at what was happening. Pit had somehow managed to get Mario's flamethrower [We all know that story] and was using that flamethrower to attack the Ice climbers. Very effectively, she might add.

"Slouching. Hiding. Three fat counters." Was it just Zelda, or was this machine getting pickier?

Pit tossed Popo out the window. Nana screamed.

"Defenestration isn't nice, Pit." Samus walked into the room to find Nana strapped to the fan, smoking slightly. The war general had his hand on the switch. "Pit…don't do it."

The angel's sugar ran out. He collapsed on the floor, and his hand hit the light switch. Nana began to scream as she began to spin around. Nobody was paying attention to her anymore, though. Just the angel on the floor that had tried to kill her.

"Help?" She asked.

Pit woke up on his bed. Samus was standing over him.

"Hi."

"Do you remember anything you did at all?"

"I think I tried to kill Wolf, but that's it."

"You have a lot of catching up to do."

**And there's the chapter that was twenty-four hours late. Sorry! Anyway, I wasn't sure how to end the chapter, but I think I did okay. If anyone can figure out what 'defenestrate' means, they get the next chapter dedicated to them. Or, the chapter after that, because I'm planning a double update. Review!**


	8. Day Seven

**I'm back again! Like I said, double update. Unfortunately, this is the second to last chapter. I'm going to miss this story. Oh well. Have fun!**

**Disclaimer: I don't want to.**

Pit groaned. Breakfast didn't sound good right now. A few days hyped up on sugar took a toll on the angel. He was still a little confused as to why Wolf and Ganondorf were glaring at him, the latter covered in bandages. Nobody bothered to rescue the Ice Climbers. Popo was still outside, and Nana was still spinning around on Zelda's fan.

"Attention Brawlers!" Master Hand used the speaker system. "A brawl will be held between Pit and Samus this afternoon. Five stock. Smash balls only. Thank you for directing your limited attention spans towards me."

Pit and Samus were shocked. The last brawl during the week [Lucas vs. Toon Link] the loser gained ten fat counters. It was obvious what the hand was trying to do. Pit and Samus had no counters at all.

"Pika?"

"I don't know."

"What did Pikachu say?"

"What are we going to do?"

"You can say that in one 'pika'?"

"Chu." The electric mouse nodded.

"I wish I could do that."

"Back to the problem at hand?"

"Right. We'll just have to brawl, won't we?"

Samus cracked a smile. "I have an idea."

"I'm-a betting on-a Samus."

"Mario, have you seen what he's done in the past few days?"

"Not-a really…"

"Then shut up."

"Both of you shut up, the brawl's starting!"

"Sorry, Peach." Wolf and Mario muttered to the Princess.

Samus and Pit were teleported to Pokemon Stadium. Master Hand counted down, and the Brawl began.

Pit shot a few arrows, only to be blocked be Samus's plasma whip. Then the two began the close combat, Pit striking with his scythe only to be blocked by the bounty hunter's power suit.

The brawl was hard on Pit and Samus from the beginning. Samus's plan was simple, but hard to make convincing. When Pit first shot Samus, he made sure to go off to the side a little. Samus had her plasma whip go out and destroy the arrows, even though they wouldn't hit her. When the two had come in close, the angel faked every move, only lightly tapping the bounty hunter's power suit with each strike. But everything started to go wrong when the smash ball appeared.

Samus made eye contact with Pit. They had discussed what to do if the ball had come, but that didn't make it any easier. Samus jumped and hit the ball, Pit pretending to have a hard time getting off of the ground. The bounty hunter broke the ball. Then the system glitched.

Pit saw the second smash ball appear. He reluctantly threw himself at the item and began hacking at it, breaking it in seconds. The angel landed lightly, and stared at Samus. The question was, who first? Master Hand began counting down. "TEN…NINE…"

The friends used their final smashes at the same time. Pit was thrown over the edge by Samus's zero laser just as she was defeated by his angel army. "SEVEN…SIX…FIVE…FOUR…"

"DRAW!" The system announced. "Sudden death."

Samus and Pit were both recovered back to the stage. "GO!" The two hadn't discussed what they would do if this happened. One eye contact was all that was needed to confirm the new plan. The friends charged directly at each other…and ran right past. They both dove over the edge. The light appeared at both ends of the stage. Everyone was waiting on the edge of their seats. Then the system announced…

"DRAW!" Everyone visibly deflated except for Lucario, who was shouting, "LASER EYES OF JOY!" and blowing things up with Crazy.

"NOOOOO!" Master Hand gave a death cry as he fell to the floor. Samus and Pit hugged in relief.

"We're safe!"

"Yes!"

"Pika pi!"

**So, yeah, a brawl. Just thought I should put a little non-I will kill you action in there. Just to let you guys know, I won't update again until I get at least three reviews telling me whose final counter count you want. Until then, review!**


	9. The end result

**I understand some of you weren't happy with my 'I won't update until you review' thing. I'm sorry. I actually meant to update yesterday, but I was really busy learning how to become an elf. So, last chapter! This one is dedicated to Foxpilot, who got defenestrate correct; to throw someone or something out of a window. Enjoy the last chapter! *Sob***

**Disclaimer: Eventually. Eventually. But not now. **

Almost everyone was overjoyed that the counter system kept running until noon, where their fates would be sealed. The exception was Samus, who didn't want to be doomed at the last second. Pit, however, saw this as a chance to beat up on people who deserved it. The first was Wolf, who tried to attack the angel. Before the anthropomorphic animal could even touch Pit, the angel had shot him with seven arrows.

"You gained seven fat counters."

"I will destroy you!"

"Good luck with that." Pit walked away, leaving Wolf lying in the hall.

A scream came from upstairs. Bored, Pit, Samus, and Pikachu investigated. The scream came from Nana, who was still stuck on the fan, which was still spinning.

"Help me, Pit!"

"Oh, hi, Nana."

"Wow, what did you use to keep her up there so long?"

"Duct tape and Velcro."

"I will keep that in mind."

"PIT AND SAMUS, STOP THIS FAN AMD GET ME DOWN!"

"It even held up with all of her struggling." Nana began spitting out profanities.

"I should've duct taped her mouth shut, too."

"Should we do it right now?"

"No, we'd have to stop the fan."

"True."

"Pika pi!" Pikachu pointed out the window, where Popo was hanging by his hood on the radio pole.

"No wonder the reception was so bad." The three left Zelda's room, leaving the Ice Climbers untouched.

Sonic was running around the mansion in a panic. I'm going to DIEEE!" he wailed, sobbing and eating chilidogs.

"Master Hand better have hired a mental therapist for when all this is over."

"Would he even care?"

"Probably not."

The rest of the day was, to say the least, disturbing. Snake was screaming in his box, trying unsuccessfully to blow himself up with his grenades. Ike and Marth were sword fighting, but not paying attention to what they were doing. R.O.B. was shutting down his sense of smell, Lucas attempting to hide behind Ness, Lucario was bungee jumping down the elevator shaft and laughing hysterically, and Wario was eating garlic.

Eventually, anyone who was still sane (Zelda, Peach, R.O.B., Pit, Samus, and Pikachu) ended up watching a clock, counting down until noon. Five minutes after noon, Master Hand called a group meeting.

Nobody fought this time. Every single Brawlers face looked like they were mourning someone who died. Pit and Samus were the only relaxed ones.

"As you know," Master Hand began, "This week you have been challenged to my counter system. Only two of you succeeded." The hand made a rude gesture at Pit and Samus. "Now, besides the two perfectionists smirking in the corner, the lowest counter scores were Zelda with twelve, Peach with eighteen, and Sonic with thirty. Due to the fact that I am extremely irritated right now, anyone with more than one hundred counters will have to clean for two months instead of one." Several Brawlers screamed. "The highest scores are as follows: Kirby, who made the system glitch after gaining 999 counters, The Ice Climbers, with seven hundred and three, and- wait, where are the Ice Climbers?"

"Zelda's room."

"Fair enough. The third highest score was Snake, with four hundred twenty eight counters. Here is the schedule. Have fun cleaning!" Master Hand left.

"We can-a finally relax-a" Mario sighed.

"Way ahead-a of you, bro." Luigi pointed at Pit, Samus, and Pikachu, all of whom were snoring in the corner. Samus's head was resting on the angel's shoulder.

"At least _they _don't have anything to worry about." Marth complained.

"Who has first bathroom duty, anyway?"

"Ganondorf."

"Sucker." Screams of pain were heard in the distance. "Do you have any gas masks?"

"I wish."

**I didn't really like this chapter. I thought it was rushed, but I don't feel like typing it again, so don't tell me how terribly awful this chapter was in your reviews. Thanks to all of my reviewers, and even though this story is now finished, I still want reviews! Don't flame, though. **


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